Friday, April 20, 2012

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going

It's pretty obvious that I have not been dedicated to writing this blog in a long time. I love all of you dearly. You have helped me in many ways through your sweet and insightful comments and e-mails, and I am thrilled to know that my words have helped some of you as well. One reason why I haven't been writing is because, for once, as far as my eating disorder goes, things are finally okay. I'm eating three "normal" meals a day. I'm not counting calories. I'm not losing or gaining weight. I'm just doing the very best that I can to take care of myself. I have also been very busy with work. I've been traveling recently, making wedding plans, looking at houses to purchase, applying to PhD programs, and spending time with my fiance and our cat. It seems like I am only inspired to blog when things are going horribly wrong. But lately I have been thinking that I should change the focus of this blog, or create a new blog altogether, where I focus on being healthy. I'm not sure if that's what I'll do. I'm just tossing ideas around. I feel like I just need to move forward and leave my eating disorder in the past. Sometimes blogging about it feels like a step backward, like I'm giving it too much thought and attention when what I really need to do is abandon it and move on entirely.

Regardless of the decision I make, for all of you who e-mail me or contact me, that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you. I do! I love talking to you. If you need advice, if you have questions about recovery, or if you just need someone who understands to listen, I am and always will be available. Always. So please do not hesitate to contact me. It won't impose on me, offend me, or trigger me in any way. I love hearing from each and every one of you. I know how scary an eating disorder is, how isolating it is, how hopeless it feels. But I promise you, it doesn't have to feel that way. You can live a better life. You can be a whole person. You can be healthy, you can be happy. But you cannot do it with an eating disorder holding you back. You have to let it go.

That's really all I'm trying to do.