Graduation

I am back from my hiatus, and now, a Masters of Fine Arts in Creative Writing graduate! The experience was great, though bittersweet. It's sad (yet somehow liberating) to know I'm on my own. There are no more mentors to guide me. It's my turn to guide myself. During the graduation ceremony, the MFA program chair said when we, the graduates, return home to our desks and work-spaces, we shouldn't arrange the books that are already there; we should sit down and finish writing our own. So, that's what I'm doing. I'm writing my heart out.

Eating during the residency and graduation process was tricky for me, as I knew it might be. There were some days that I didn't eat even a fraction of what I should have. Other days I had three square meals. Part of it was due to stress and anxiety. I had to teach a 50 minute lecture (about anorexia in poetry!) and read one of my pieces to a room full of friends and students and faculty at my senior reading, so there was a lot to worry and stress over. I'm a worrier. I always have been. I tried to take time to just enjoy the Los Angeles sunshine. Sit beneath the palm trees. Watch the ocean waves. Breathe the salty air. It helped me to focus and unwind, until the rain came and wouldn't go away for days and days, but there is beauty in that, too. Luckily, everything turned out okay. There's nowhere left to go but forward.

I'm spending Christmas alone this year. Well, not completely. I'll be here with my cat. My boyfriend is in Minnesota with his family. I'm not exactly sure why I'm not home with mine. That's a wound I don't want to open up at the moment.

Regardless, I'm sending warm Christmas and holiday wishes to whomever is reading this.

God bless.

(Here is me in my graduation robe and hood. I know it's only my back but I like the picture anyway!)

Eat them in joy

Dandelion Greens

They will be bitter but rich in iron--
your spring tonic, your antidote to sleep.
Eat them because they are good for you.
Eat them in joy, for the earth revives.
Eat them in remembrance of your grandmother,
who raised ten children on them. Think
of all the dandelions they picked for her,
the countless downy seeds their laughter spread.

This is the life we believe in--
the saw-toothed blades, the lavish, common flowers.

-Jane Flanders


I'm going to be very busy for the next few weeks. My time as an MFA student (Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing) is coming to an end. I graduate December 19th! Woo hoo! I will spend the time until then going to lectures, reading beautiful things, writing beautiful things in the company of beautiful, beautiful people. I deliver my senior lecture this Saturday morning bright and early. My topic is Anorexia in Poetry. I have a lot to say, a lot of great poems to analyze and dissect. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

With all of this going on, I probably won't be lurking around the blogosphere as often as usual. I'm hoping that my eating disorder does not make an appearance. She is not invited to my senior lecture, my senior reading, the graduation ceremony. I don't want to see her at all during this happy time. I should be proud of myself. I have worked hard and accomplished a lot in spite of her. She will not take that away from me.

The night before I graduate, my boyfriend booked a dinner reservation at my second favorite restaurant in Los Angeles-- Rustic Canyon. Mmm. Did I mention my eating disorder is not invited to that either? This is a time to celebrate, not a time to count calories. I'm having a glass of wine. I'm not worrying about anything. I'm going to breathe and relax.

I just hope I remember that when the time comes.

On a side note, I bought a little tiny miniature Christmas tree yesterday. It's alive! I grew up in a house that only had synthetic trees, so this is my first time ever having a real, live, sap covered Christmas tree. It isn't decorated yet, and it looks a little Charlie Brown, but I like the little guy. My cat likes it too.



Merry Christmas!