Friday, April 20, 2012

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going

It's pretty obvious that I have not been dedicated to writing this blog in a long time. I love all of you dearly. You have helped me in many ways through your sweet and insightful comments and e-mails, and I am thrilled to know that my words have helped some of you as well. One reason why I haven't been writing is because, for once, as far as my eating disorder goes, things are finally okay. I'm eating three "normal" meals a day. I'm not counting calories. I'm not losing or gaining weight. I'm just doing the very best that I can to take care of myself. I have also been very busy with work. I've been traveling recently, making wedding plans, looking at houses to purchase, applying to PhD programs, and spending time with my fiance and our cat. It seems like I am only inspired to blog when things are going horribly wrong. But lately I have been thinking that I should change the focus of this blog, or create a new blog altogether, where I focus on being healthy. I'm not sure if that's what I'll do. I'm just tossing ideas around. I feel like I just need to move forward and leave my eating disorder in the past. Sometimes blogging about it feels like a step backward, like I'm giving it too much thought and attention when what I really need to do is abandon it and move on entirely.

Regardless of the decision I make, for all of you who e-mail me or contact me, that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you. I do! I love talking to you. If you need advice, if you have questions about recovery, or if you just need someone who understands to listen, I am and always will be available. Always. So please do not hesitate to contact me. It won't impose on me, offend me, or trigger me in any way. I love hearing from each and every one of you. I know how scary an eating disorder is, how isolating it is, how hopeless it feels. But I promise you, it doesn't have to feel that way. You can live a better life. You can be a whole person. You can be healthy, you can be happy. But you cannot do it with an eating disorder holding you back. You have to let it go.

That's really all I'm trying to do.

6 comments:

  1. I understand where you are coming from, Jess. I am the same way with my blog. I am definitely keeping it but turning it into pro-recovery site.

    I do find myself blogging a lot less there because

    A) things are finally good
    B) Less struggling


    And I have a tendency to write when I am in the dumps rather than when I am happy and doing well. So I get it what you mean.

    Whatever you choose to do; I support you, and hope all is the best for you.

    XX

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  2. I think it is great that you are where you are at and don't necessarily feel an "obligation" to blog. There is none.

    I am glad you are doing as well as you are and can identify it as so.

    I always appreciate your "updates".

    May you find continual ease and balance.

    Cheers to you and keep doing, even if it is trying. See : YOU ARE DOING even if it seems you are trying. Make sense. Probably not. I tend to be that way.

    With light. :)

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  3. This may sound weird to say, but, i have never been happier to see a blog disappear from my reader! lol

    given the circumstances this is happy news.
    plus, i have you in facebook so I don't have to be sad (0:

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  4. Speaking as someone who has gravitated away from my original blog from time to time I say you should keep posting here. You may change, develop, and grow but ultimately this is your story. Changing the title or the feel of the blog is perfectly fine and you wont lose connection with those who have been following and supporting you through your journey.

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  5. I've been reading: Beyond Recovery: Narrative, Spirituality and Recovery, by Catherine Garrett. I recommend it.
    Your blog is wonderful :-)

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