Dizzy, dizzy

Today wasn't the best of days. I've been terribly sick and I can't even begin to explain why. I wrote a post a while ago about how incredibly dizzy I've been lately. It's more than feeling light-headed. It's completely incapacitating. It went away slightly but has come back full force. I went to a nurse practitioner a few weeks ago and she told me it was a sinus infection. I took the medicine she gave me to no real avail. Sometimes I hear noises that sound like the ocean inside my ear. My mother thinks it's because there's fluid in my ear. She spoke with my doctor (whom she works for) and they seem to think it could be something more serious like diabetes. Yeah, that diabetes. Years ago when my anorexia and bulimia were both wildly out of control, the same doctor gave me a pamphlet about the connection between eating disorders and diabetes. I guess there's a correlation. And I guess it was her way of warning me, but what was done was done. I guess it makes sense-- you go from eating nothing to eating a lot, then throwing it up and eating some more. It has to totally mess with blood sugar levels. It must disorient everything. This is another shining example of the bad things I've done to my body in the name of anorexia and bulimia. I hope that isn't what's going on, but I have noticed that the dizziness becomes most unbearable about an hour to an hour and a half after I have eaten. At that point, there's nothing else I can do besides lie down and close my eyes. I've also noticed a numbness in my toes and fingers. A week or two ago, my toe was numb for over 36 hours. It freaked me out. Talking about this is freaking me out even more. I initially thought it had something to do with a vitamin deficiency because I'm vegan and a very picky vegan at that. I don't know anymore.

I guess the only solution is to see a doctor, but I don't have medical insurance and I still haven't found a job. The last thing I can afford right now is another bill to pay. I could drive to my usual doctor back home but that's 9 hours away. They would see me at a discounted rate, but it still costs money to drive my car that far. Not to mention, I'm too dizzy to walk. I don't think I should be driving.

I think I'm going to try and get some sleep. I'm tired of speculating. It only stresses me out.


Okay, okay. I'm not getting worked up about this.

Tomorrow is a brand new day.

I'll feel better tomorrow.