Hard times

I haven't been able to post lately. Unfortunately, I've been sick again. Rather, I'm still sick. I guess it's never gone away. Since May, I've seen four doctors and been in the hospital once. I've taken four rounds of antibiotics, two rounds of steroids, two rounds of ear drops, pills for dizziness, antihistamines, decongestants, and God knows what else. The doctors still can't figure out exactly what is wrong with me. Nothing helps. The symptoms go (almost) away for a few days or for a week or so, and then they are back again. The doctors thought it was a sinus infection at first, but what kind of sinus infection lasts for three and a half months? And is accompanied by utter, life-impairing, incapacitating dizziness? I can't tell which symptoms are from the initial illness and which are coming from the medicine I've been on. Most recently, my hair has started to fall out. This also happened when my anorexia was at its worst a few years ago. It freaked me out then and it freaks me out now.

Worst of all, my boyfriend is in Boston now for the next two months. I knew I'd miss him, but I didn't know I'd miss him like this. It reaffirmed for me within the first day he was gone how much I want to be with him. It's going to be a long, long couple of months, especially if I can't get over this sickness.

I don't mean to whine. I hope it's not coming off that way. I'm just frustrated because I want so badly to be better and as soon as I think I'm better, I'm sick all over again.

I have to stay faithful and positive and strong.

I'm just tired of lying on the couch watching television.