Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A quick update

It's been a while since I've written. I can pretend it's because I've been busy with school (which I have been) but it's more than that. For the last week or so I've been fighting my eating disorder hard. My head has been flooded with negative thoughts about food and about my body. I thought anything I wrote would turn out negative as well and I didn't want to drag anyone else down with me. In reality, I think it was ED's way of keeping me under. Not writing here means not consciously and actively thinking about recovery. Not thinking about recovery means a higher chance of relapse. The point is,

Recovery is a full-time commitment.

And I'm okay with that because it's worth it.

I don't want to be sort-of recovered. I don't want to be partially recovered. I don't want to be recovered only when I feel like it. I'm tired of 75%, 80%. I want to be 100% better; 100% ED-free.

And, like anything worth having, that takes dedication.

So, this is my re-dedication. This is my chance to regroup, refocus, and NOT relapse. That's the worst possible thing that could happen and I'm not going to allow it. I've said it before but it holds true: there is NO room for an eating disorder in my life.

There's no room for one in your life, either.

There's no room for negativity.

Life is too short as it is. Life should be enjoyed!

I went out this morning and bought myself new shoes: a really cute pair of black boots and a pair of pretty ruby red pumps (which I'm wearing now even as I type this) I am so picky about shoes. I rarely find any that I like, so, for once, I don't feel guilty about buying something for myself.

It's a beautiful day and I'm off to enjoy it.

My eating disorder will not be joining me.


  1. I am so proud of you for being able to recognize that the reason you haven't been writing is because ED was starting to bring you down. Good for you for deciding to re-commit to recovery and stay focused! You are working so hard and have come so far, and you should give yourself a lot of credit. :-) I'm glad you bought yourself new shoes- you deserve to treat yourself! Keep fighting and staying strong and striving to live your life free of ED! <3

    "Not writing here means not consciously and actively thinking about recovery. Not thinking about recovery means a higher chance of relapse."

    I can actually really relate to this... I haven't been writing on my blog, and I think it is because I have been a bit in denial about how I'm slipping and didn't want to face it. Reading your post has inspired me to write again, and stay focused on recovery.

  2. Great! I am by your side. We all are. Recovery will happen and you will be one day ED-free. It will happen.

  3. This is so inspiring, thank you! I'm proud of you - keep fighting! xxx

  4. Way to go!

    Not only did you recognize Ed's lies, but you are reaffirming and rewarding yourself.

    Recovery is possible and we are getting there!

  5. You got Ruby Red Slippers! Just keep following the yello brick road to recovery and you will find "home"....~Missy