Just when I thought I was finally starting to get better, I woke up with a migraine today. I get them from time to time, but this was seriously the single worst headache I've ever had. I couldn't do anything but lie in bed with the lights off. It finally subsided, but I'm so so dizzy. I thought I was over this. I was finally starting to feel better. It's a three day weekend so I'm driving with my boyfriend to my Mom's house one state over so I can see my family doctor. It seems like a long way to drive just for one night, but I've finished the antibiotics the doctor here prescribed me and I'm still dizzy. I'm going to have x-rays done to see what's up. I have to get this taken care of once and for all. Ugh.
As for the eating disorder, I've been really weight conscious for the last week or so. More than usual, I mean. I feel like I've gained a ton of weight. All of my clothes fit, but I don't look good in any of them. I look fat and bloated and disgusting. I can't tell if that's how I actually look or if that's how my eating disorder wants me to think that I look. Of course, my eating disorder speaks up and tells me I have to go on a diet. It sounds so tempting but I know it's not an option. I can be rational. I understand it's unreasonable and dangerous. I don't want to be sick anymore.
I love myself. I refuse to mistreat myself. I'm not turning back.
I won't have a good future if I allow it to be ruined by my past.