The things I do not hear

I am happy tonight because when I close my eyes I hear the sound of crickets.

I hear the drum of the air conditioner, the spark and hiss of the streetlight.

I hear my cat rustling the window blinds, the sound of car tires on wet pavement.

More important are the things I do not hear. Better yet, the things I used to hear, but no longer hear.

I no longer hear the sound of my stomach growling.

I no longer hear the voice inside my head that once insulted me and chastised me for eating.

I no longer hear the calories rolling and ticking away inside my brain like a taxi's fare meter.

I no longer hear myself praying to be thinner, praying aloud as if nothing else mattered but the sensation of my body shrinking.

And I no longer hear myself apologizing for having eaten, for being a woman, for having a body with curves and flesh that I've tried so desperately to starve to bone.

I don't hear any of that.

I hear peace.

I hear silence.

Freedom.