Saturday, August 7, 2010


I have been feeling sick lately, though I don't think it's related to the eating disorder. About a month or two ago I started getting very dizzy. I had these awful headaches and I was so dizzy and nauseous that I couldn't do anything but lie in bed. I was diagnosed with "Benign Positional Vertigo" as a teenager and I've learned to deal with frequent dizziness, but this particular dizziness was different, and much much worse. The doctor said it could be anything from stress to an inner ear problem. Eventually, she said it was a horrible sinus infection. I was skeptical and still doubt that was the real reason. When I flew to and from Los Angeles in June the condition worsened-- something about the elevation in the air craft I suppose? Normally my ears will adjust to the elevation on their own, but this time they wouldn't pop and it became very painful. Eventually the dizziness stopped and I've been back to normal. Until last night. I went to bed very late and was feeling that same horrible dizziness. The minute my head hit the pillow the room started to spin. I got very nauseous. I went to the bathroom and threw up. It wasn't self-induced. It wasn't bulimia. It was none of that. It was just honest-to-God sickness. After it was over, I fell asleep but I was dizzy all day today. And my head hurts a lot. I can't figure out what is causing all of this but I'm so tired of it. It has to go. I think maybe it could actually be stress. The three times I've had serious problems with this were all at stressful times: 1.) Leaving Las Vegas and moving across the country (literally!) to Virginia, 2.) Flying to Los Angeles for school (okay, that's not very stressful. I've done it several times. But the dizziness flared up majorly while I was there), 3.) And now with all of the job hunting I'm doing. Interviews, applications, resumes.

Basically, I'm frustrated and I don't know what to do. Is it related to diet? A lack in a nutrient? I'm Vegan (and a very bad one at that. I refuse to eat seitan or tempeh or textured vegetable protein or anything else that even slightly resembles the texture of meat. I don't even like tofu unless it's blended up in a smoothie or baked into a cake). Basically I just eat vegetables, fruit, whole grains, and beans/legumes. I know I'm missing a ton of essential vitamins and nutrients. I can't even remember to take a multivitamin half the time.

I probably should see a doctor but I don't trust them and I don't have medical insurance. I'm tired of speculating about what is wrong, but I want it to get better.

I also got word today that my nine year old niece broke her hip. Another reason to be stressed out.

Regardless of whether or not the stress is causing the extreme vertigo, it's definitely not good for me. I get stressed out so easily. My boyfriend calls it "panic mode." He does a wonderful impression of me that is only slightly amusing. I have to learn to relax.


  1. I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well, perhaps you should see a doctor or a nutritionist (as much as we hate them). And gosh, a 9 year old breaking her hip? I don't blame you for going into panic mode, but maybe yoga or meditation would help calm your nerves! Or just listening to some peaceful music. Hope you feel better xoxo

  2. I agree with what Emmy said about yoga. I have joined a relaxation yoga class and it has benefited me immensely in regards to stress and nerves.

    May I ask you why you are vegan? There is nothing wrong with it at all, in fact I really respect your dedication. It's just that there have been many studies that correlate becoming a vegetarian or vegan with developing and sustaining an eating disorder.

    Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. Lots of hugs from this side of the screen!!! :-)

  3. Thanks for the concern ladies! I'm feeling much better today. :)

    As for the veganism, I've been a vegetarian literally since I was seven years old. Eventually, it segued into veganism when I become more educated about food and what's in it and where it comes from. It's never had anything (for me at least) to do with my eating disorder, though I know for many people it's connected. For me, it's more about living a lifestyle that is pro-animal and acting out of a respect for animals and for the environment (no animal tested products, no leather or fur, no animal by-products or animal ingredients, etc). But I can certainly see how to some people vegetarianism/veganism is simply another way to restrict. Very interesting stuff!