When we got home we decided to walk to the gym. I burned a lot of calories and by the time we got home I was so hungry. By then it was almost time for dinner so I started cooking. By the time dinner was ready, I was at the point of not being hungry anymore. But I ate anyway. I made myself.
I realize skipping lunch was wrong. I just recently started eating lunch again. Until this summer (in May, to be exact) I never ever ate lunch. Now I do it daily, even if it's something small. Obviously, I let my eating disorder win one battle today. Even if it was only a small victory, I yielded. And I lost.
But not all was lost.
I won the next one.
Eating dinner made me feel much better and stronger. In the past, skipping one meal automatically led to skipping the next. Why eat lunch if I didn't eat breakfast? And if I skipped those two meals, why bother to eat dinner? I used to be so trapped in that vicious cycle that I wouldn't eat for days and days and days. I used to think those were "perfect" days. I see now how wrong I was. How sick I was. How sad I was. How desperate I was.
I don't have to feel that way anymore.
If anyone is reading this, you don't have to feel that way either.