I used to avoid recovery, even when I knew anorexia was killing me and had to come to an end, because deep down I thought recovery meant failure. I thought my eating disorder, as much as I knew it was wrong, was what made me special. Recovery meant normal. Normal meant boring. Normal was everything I tried my whole life to distance myself from. Normal meant mediocre. I couldn't think of anything worse.
But I've realized recovery doesn't mean boring.
It doesn't mean normal or mediocre or bland.
Recovery just means healthy.
How can I be spectacular and different and unique if I'm dead?
Anorexia = another statistic.
Anorexia = death.
Dead means dead.
Dead means it's over. No more chances. No coming back.
But with recovery comes hope.
Hope means good things will come.
Recovery means energy.
Energy means I can do all the things I want to do.
Recovery means promise.
Promise means a chance to be all the things I want to be.
Recovery means life.
It means more than life.
It means to be alive.
Unique. Special. Free.